Texts With My Brother

Messing with people through text messages is one of my favorite things to do. It's like an unexpected little nugget of fun and you just have to grab the opportunity when it comes. One such opportunity was yesterday when I texted my unsuspecting 18-year-old brother, Carson. I found out that his high school wrestling team, minus Carson, had all come down with impetigo. Of course, I had to razz him about it. What I didn't know was that Carson doesn't have my number programmed into his cell phone...so he had no clue who I was. Great times ensued. (All punctuation and spelling errors were on purpose in keeping with the fictional character I had created to mess with my brother.)

Here is our conversation:


Me: Don't get impetigo!

Carson: Who is this?

(At this point I realize that he has no clue who I am... and the fun begins.)

Me: The name's Petigo. M. Petigo.

Carson: Ha ha good joke.

Me: Just kidding I'm Trisha from marsh valley. Maybe u don't remember me I come to all your wrestling meets and I stole your number from your coaches phone. I hope u don't mind. U are a really good wrestler I think u are sooo talented. I'll be at your next match and I'll be wearing a hot pink scrunchie and maroon leggings and my pirate shirt. I'm making a pirate shirt for you too I am making it in my home ec class it is going to have your name on it. I would have had it done already but my pet ferret came and scratched me while I was sewing it and it got some blood and some ferret hair on it so I had to start over

Carson: OK I don't believe any of this but whatever.

Me: You don't believe me?!?! Well wait you will see me at your next meet, I have a schedule and I keep it in my locker and I know when all your meets are and I come to them allllll

Carson: Now I really don't believe you

Me: Is it cuz you have impetigo? Cuz I don't care about that. I have beat impetigo quite a few times too.

Carson: I think this is Adam (one of Carson's friends)

Me: No its Trisha from MV!

Carson: No

Me: Is it cuz I told you about the ferret? Because I'm willing to get rid of Walter if u don't like ferrets
 Here is a pic of Walter he looks mean but he's not. He was just mad about the bunny ears.
 (Then I Googled for photos of ugly ferrets and sent him this:)

Carson: Wow ferrets don't live in idaho mr. liar

Me: It's a house ferret
Then I thought I'd send him a photo of "myself" to make it a little more believable, since he wasn't buying it yet. Another Google search turned up this, the famous possessive girlfriend:

Me: Here's a pic of me too. Behind me is my picture wall of you at all your wrestling meets

Carson: I will believe this whole fabrication when I see it
Then a little later:

Carson: OK if you worship me so much what do I do after my matches?
I couldn't think of a good answer since I am not able to go to very many of Carson's meets, so I quickly texted my mom and asked her. He thought me had me for a minute, but...

Carson: Ya I thought so...

Me: The ref hold up your arm and then you shake hands with the other wrestler then u put on your cowboy boots and sometimes you go to Big J's.
This is where he starts to freak out, I think, just a little bit. He knows he's being messed with but he can't figure out who it is.

Carson: Ha ha You know you're supposed to go to bed on a school night

Me: I'm homeschooled so I can go to bed when I want. Am I keeping you up? Sorry I know u need your sleep so you can save your energy for the ring

Me again: I don't sleep much as night because Walter keeps me up all the time. He always pees my bed too so I sleep on my couch.    

Carson: Ha ha ha got ya you said you have a locker with a westside schedule in it well home schooled kids don't have a locker.
Oops. Well played, Carson. But I wasn't willing to give up quite yet.

Me: My locker at HOME. Just cuz I'm homeschooled doesn't mean I'm not like everyone else! I keep my valuables in the locker to protect them from Walter! He has eaten or peed on everything I own.

Carson: Dirty liar... Only boys text like this

Me: Wrong I'm a girl. My name is Trisha, remember?

Carson: And yes, you are interfering with my slumber

Me: Sorry oh no I'm so sorry I feel like the worst person ever. Well good night sweet dreams my wrestler and sleep well and remember, Trisha from Marsh Valley is dreaming of u.

I left him alone for the night but I picked back up the next morning:

Me: Hi

Carson: Leave me alone

Me: I can't leave you alone, you're too precious

Carson: Dude i have a girlfriend

Me: WHO IS SHE!!!!!!???????!!!!???!?!?!?!?!!!!

Carson: From preston

Me: NOOOO! SHE WILL NEVER LOVE YOU AS MUCH AS I DO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Then Carson calls me, his buddies laughing in the background, trying to find out who the heck is messing with him. I answered, thinking I would still pretend to be Trisha, but I am really bad at keeping cool during real life situations. So I said Hello and immediately burst into laughter. Carson STILL didn't know who I was, though. Seriously. His OWN SISTER. Between bursts of laughter I finally told him that it was me. Then I told him to program my number into his phone already. Because when it comes to me and texting, leaving my number off your phone is pretty much the worst (or best?) thing anyone can do! I suspect that someday all my chickens are going to come home to roost and I will wish I hadn't messed with all these people via text message, but for now it's just way too much fun to stop.