Conversations With Carson

Being the oldest of 7 kids, and having spent many years babysitting, I feel that I have a certain right to embarrass and torture my younger siblings. After all, at one point or another I have wiped poop off all their butts.

They owe me.

That's why I have no reservations about telling you the following about my younger brother Carson.

Carson & Savanna, my brother and sister

Carson recently received the call to serve an LDS mission to San Diego. I could not be prouder of him. But also, I'm a little worried. Carson is... naive. And I won't say how I know that he's naive because it would seriously embarrass him. For reals. And I love my brother so I would never do anything to embarrass him, ever.

...

...

Anyway.

I told him the other day that this would basically be him when he reaches the inner city of San Diego:





Minus the coffee thing. And instead of an elf costume obviously he'll be in a missionary name tag and suit. But other than that, I'd say this is a pretty accurate depiction of what we can expect from Carson as he discovers the big city.

After I showed him this video, he adamantly told me that this was NOT what he'd be like. He said that, in fact, he would have a lot in common with the people of San Diego because he liked cars and he is a good car mechanic. He said he'd have a few tricks to show the fellow car enthusiasts of San Diego. He has a passion for what my brothers call "straight-piping," where you modify your muffler to make your car sound louder, and therefore, 1,000 times more awesome, than a normal-sounding car engine.

 Then he said this:

"I'm gonna teach 'em how to cut off mufflers down there."

To which my Dad replied, "Oh, they already know how to cut off mufflers."

I can see the headline now:


Mormon Missionary Unknowingly Involved in Massive Chop Shop Operation


Carson, please think twice before helping any "investigators" with their "car part business."

Please. I don't want to have to nickname you "Chop Shop Carson."