I'm a loser. Yes, that's right. The best kind of loser. I've been losing weight (You didn't see THAT joke coming, did you?!). I don't like sharing my weight problems with the world, but I want to celebrate, somehow, the small progress I've made so far. I know I have a long way to go, but I'm proud of what I've been able to accomplish. And I want to stand on my little internet rooftop like a crow and shout it to the world!
Also, I've had a lot of people ask me what I've been doing. So maybe this will help someone else.
I have always struggled with my weight. Always. In high school, some kids (not all) made fun of my weight. Back then, I was a size 14. I didn't feel very comfortable in my body. I couldn't wear most of the cute clothes that my skinny friends could. And probably the hardest for me, was that no boys asked me out. Zero. And that hurt, I'm not gonna lie. I wanted people to see past the outside and get to know me.
Now that I've grown up a little more (hopefully) I realize that one of the unavoidable facts of life is that men are visual. They like to look at pretty things, pretty women being at the top of their list. I know my husband loves me the way I am. In fact, I'm very lucky to have a husband who would NEVER say anything negative about my weight. But I could not let myself balloon up to 400 pounds and still expect him to find me attractive. I realize that this isn't a very feminist attitude to have, but I love my husband. I'm committed to our marriage. It's not all about me. His happiness matters.
My weight has fluctuated in the 10 years since I graduated high school. The smallest I ever was, was when I lived in Ukraine. But living and eating like I did there (tons of walking, not much food) just wasn't sustainable when I got back to the U.S. I gained it all back. I still didn't date much until a series of divinely directed events happened in my life, and I met my husband (AKA the best guy in the world. I feel grateful I found him.).
^^Me at Disneyland about 1 year ago. Puffy and tired.
^^My son and I at Yellowstone National Park last year. I was really unhappy with how chubby my face was getting.
I have always tried to lose weight to be more physically attractive to men. But lately, that's not the only motivation I have. It's more than that now.
But the past couple years as my husband and I have been trying to have another baby, I started to realize that something was really wrong with my body. At my heaviest, after I had my son in 2009, I weight 220 pounds. Two. Hundred. Twenty. Pounds. I was horrified. I felt terrible about myself, and so out of control. I believed mainstream society's message about fat people was true of me, too: that I must be lazy slob who ate everything in sight (not true). I really hated myself. The extra weight was taking its toll mentally and physically. I realized it was either lose it, or be increasingly miserable and unhealthy forever. The latter was not an option for me.
At first I thought that a low-fat, vegetarian diet was the way to go. So I did that. Vegetarian diets are pushed so much by the media, liberals, and Hollywood types, that I just took the mainstream's word for it. I was starving all the time. I ran or walked for at least 30 minutes every day. I was always starving and looking for a low-fat, low-calorie way to fill up. I would frequently let myself get way too hungry. Ravenous. My blood sugar would plunge, I would get horrible headaches, and then my diet would be tossed to the wind as I tried to recover from all that. Every time I tried to fast for church, I would get sick for days afterward. I had people tell me that I was anemic and that I needed to take an Iron supplement. I never lost ANY weight. Not one inch. Not an ounce.
To make a long story short, I talked to a friend of mine who had gone through similar health struggles and she suggested that I try the Atkins diet. So here's my advice to anyone wanting to lose weight: If you have tried to lose weight on a low-fat diet and haven't been able to, I would suggest trying Atkins or some similar low-carb diet. Just keep in mind, every body is different. What works for one person may not work for another person. I'm just saying what has been working for me. I feel 100 times better than before. I don't get hungry and therefore I don't binge on junk food.
I don't weigh myself, so I can't tell you what I've lost. I do know that when I started, I was wearing a size 18. I went down to a size 16 recently, and now those are getting loose, too. I still have a long way to go before I reach my goal size, but right now I'm feeling pretty good. My pants fell off the other day. Normally I'd be embarrassed, but I'm too happy to care.
Here are some recent photos of me. You can see the weight loss in my face, shoulders, and waistline. It's subtle, but it's there.
^^A couple weeks ago holding my newborn niece.
^^With KUTV's Casey Scott, taping a segment for Fresh Living
Now, let me get on my soapbox. I think most people are wonderful, lovely, kind souls who would never presume to get into things that are none of their business. But in my experience, I know some who can be SO judgmental about others. I've had people tell me that I'm breaking the Word of Wisdom (the LDS [Mormon] diet standards) by doing Atkins (not true and I think most people who believe this don't know much about Atkins). I've had people tell me various things that I should or shouldn't be eating. I've gotten people who will look at me, tell me I look great and they can see that I've been losing weight. Then they'll ask what I'm doing and proceed to tell me that you can't possibly lose weight that way! What these people need to realize is this: What works for me might not work for you, and vice versa.
Even more hurtful, and more frequent, are the comments about my husband and I having more kids. We've had people say everything from "When are you finally going to have another baby??!!!" "When is your little boy going to get a sibling?" or my favorite, "Your son would behave better if he had a brother or sister to keep him company!!"
I don't feel that I need to defend us on that subject. Our procreation is nobody's business except mine, my husband's, and God's. I try to let this roll off my back. I really do. But I'm sensitive and I have a thin skin. I can't say how many times I've come home after church, fighting back tears because of some comment someone has made to me.
So let me give you a hint. If you are thinking about asking someone if they are pregnant, or when they are going to get pregnant, here is a list of times to let that question come out of your mouth. It's pretty simple:
1. Never.
Seriously. That's it. If you're a former pregnancy-asker, now is a great time to reform. I have faith in you. You can stop hurting peoples' feelings, turn from your oblivious ways, and start anew.
I realize this sounds kind of harsh. I promise, I'm a nice person. I like being a yes-girl. Normally I believe that people shouldn't let the little things offend them. But when someone is standing in front of you, making insensitive comments about the ONE THING in your life that you are trying so hard to attain, it hurts. No matter how hard you try to just let it roll off your back.
So...
No, I don't violate the Word of Wisdom.
No, I have not consumed an entire side of beef this month.
No, my reproductive system is not your business.
Yes, I feel great, happy, and healthy.
Yes, I have been losing weight. How nice of you to notice! Let's go eat a steak.
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