Recently I had occasion to go shopping at Walmart, which is something I generally try to avoid. This can be challenging, though, since out of all the businesses in Logan, 75% are either motorsports or small engine shops, 5% are in the mall and the other 25% are Walmart stores. I realize that adds up to 105% but that's how we roll in Cache Valley.
Even though I do sometimes violate my own rule to not set foot in Walfart, it is rare that I am desperate enough to go within 40 feet of the bathrooms in that place. Unfortunately, I had a personal emergency that forced me into one recently. I won't go into details. Let's just say that since I had my baby, sneezing has never been quite the same for me.
Anyway. I was thinking how the state of grossness in Heckmart's bathrooms is virtually the same every single time I go in there. So, in case you get confused in a Walbarf store and wonder whether you are in the bathroom or have died and gone to The Other Place (I call it Heck), here are some helpful hints to remind you that you're in the bathroom:
(If you get grossed out easily then this post is not for you. And maybe this whole blog, because I talk about bodily functions a lot here)
1. The floor is somehow strewn with toilet paper and paper towels, even though you have just seen the janitor walk out as you were going in.
2. You spot more than one person walking from their stall to the exit without washing their hands.
3. Someone is barefoot.
4. Someone is changing into their prom dress or wedding gown.
5. There are at least 4 dirty diapers on the floor. One of them is probably unrolled.
6. Someone is either in labor or giving birth.
7. None of the toilets have been flushed.
8. All the toilet seats have some sort of liquid on them. One of the liquids is always unidentifiable.
9. There is poop somewhere other than the toilet bowl.
10. -Maybe the grossest of all- Someone's half eaten lunch on the floor of the handicap stall.
If you are in Logan and you really have to go to the bathroom, I suggest the following businesses whose bathrooms are usually bearable: Chick-fil-A, Olive Garden, Aggy's, ... and that's it.
Although any other bathroom would be better than Walwart's.
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