Today I had occasion to be a little bit nervous. I may share sometime soon what made me so nervous but for now suffice it to say that today I was nervous. By nature, I am a nervous person. I get nervous about a lot of things, but the major causes of anxiety for me is caused by one of the following reasons:
Hearing the phone ring
Speaking in public
Singing in public
Going to the doctor (where I am always convinced that I am about to be diagnosed with a terminal illness)
Going to the dentist (where I am always convinced that they are going to have to pull all my teeth)
Driving
Seeing a cop on patrol while driving
Strange men
Weapons
Strange men with weapons (We live in hunting territory where this is not uncommon)
Noises outside my tent while camping
The first night after I've heard a ghost story, no matter how un-scary, lame, or ridiculous
Going to the DMV
...I think that about sums it up. Yeah, I'm a nervous person.
My nerves present themselves in some very interesting ways. For example, every time I go to the dentist, my body starts to shake uncontrollably. A couple years ago when I had my driver's license renewed, I got so nervous that I had to make a sudden trip to the restroom and I was in there so long that my test timed out and they had to reset it. I won't say what was going on in the bathroom, except that it was a natural bodily function that happens to people all the time. I aced that driving test, by the way.
When I have an important meeting to go to, my mind makes up ridiculous scenarios that could prevent me from making it to the meeting--scenarios that could never, ever, in a million years ever happen. I had a meeting today. It was fairly close to home at a place I have driven by about a million times, and I left in plenty of time to get there and even was able to run a few errands first. My outfit was washed and crisp and my car had plenty of gas in it. And yet my mind kept thinking things like this:
"What if those headlights 3 miles behind me are actually the flashing lights of a cop who is trying to pull me over and just can't get to me fast enough?" (It wasn't)
"What I'm part of one of those 3-car traffic stops that cops make and I don't know it and I keep going and I don't notice the cops and I get arrested for fleeing?" (I didn't)
"The place of my meeting is coming up soon. I think it's right after this intersection. Oh, no! It's not! What if it got sucked up by an extra-dimensional energy field?" (It didn't)
"What if they moved since three days ago and didn't tell me? Oh, never mind, it's right there." (Yup.)
"I need to go to the bathroom really bad." (Hold it. No way I am asking to use their bathroom. This is due to another serious phobia I have of public restrooms. It all goes back to a very bad experience I had once in an outhouse in Ukraine.)
"What if I suddenly forget all knowledge of traffic laws and make an improper left turn?" (I have actually come close to doing this before.)
"What if I am mistaken for a criminal, pulled over, and arrested?" (Nope.)
"What if it switched to daylight savings and nobody told me and I'm an hour late?" (No.)
"What if this is all a dream?" (Sadly, no.)
"What if this whole day has been a dream and I'm just now waking up?" (Still no.)
Yeah. I have issues. But! My mystery meeting went great, I got the desired outcome that I went for, and I made my way home without even thinking about getting pulled over. Well, maybe I did have just one obsessive thought about law enforcement. I know, I have way too many cop issues, but that is because of a few very ill-advised strategies that I employed once to try to get out of a speeding ticket. Words of wisdom: When trying to get out of a ticket, do not tell a police officer that he is any of the following:
a) stupid
b) inexperienced
c) prejudiced
d) pulling people over for fun
e) lying
Yeah.
Please don't be like me.
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