Brown Thumb

Yesterday I dragged my little boy up to my grandparents' farm in Idaho to help them plant their garden. My parents were there too, along with my younger brother and sister and some cousins. 

But Jess, surely those aren't your siblings or your cousins. You're like 1000 years older than them.

Thanks a lot. I'm already feeling bad about turning 28 this year. RUB IT IN MY FACE, WHY DON'T YOU?

Also, I'm the oldest child of two oldest children. My youngest brother is 15 years younger than me. My aunts and uncles are younger too, so most of my cousins are actually closer to my son's age than they are to mine.

Anyways, we all turned up to help plant Grandma's garden. My 12-year-old brother tilled it and then we all went to work-- My mom, my dad, my grandma, my sister, my brother, and three cousins. And the dog, Ginger. She didn't do much to help, though. She just sat there and watched.

The lazy butt.

I did my part by standing around and taking photos to document the occasion and to revel in the beautiful cloudless Idaho sky.

That's my dad, by the way. He came straight over from feeding his horses and milking his goats to help.
That hat is not for show, by the way. He is a legit cowboy. That is the outfit he wears in 110 degree heat. He believes that flip flops and t-shirts are for wimps, yuppies, and city folk. The only time you will ever find him in shorts is if he's at a swimming pool.

Finally someone took my iphone away, shoved a bucket of sprouted potatoes in my hands, and told me that I wasn't going to get any dinner if I didn't start to pull my weight. That was enough motivation for me, but then I looked down at the potatoes. They were covered in white dust and they smelled strange.

"What is this stuff? All over the potatoes? Is it powdered cancer?" I asked.

My dad sighed and said, "No. It's Seven."

"What's Seven? Will I get cancer from this if I touch it with my bare hands?"

"No, it's just SEVEN. Here, wear these gloves."

"OKAY. Sorry. I don't know what I'm doing. It's been a long time since I planted a garden."

My mom: "Didn't you remember ANYTHING from your childhood? We planted a garden every single year! You were there! We made you help!"

Me: "Yeah but do you think I paid attention? You guys did most of the work. I just did as I was told! You told me where to drop the seeds, and that's what I did! I thought I was being a GOOD child! I didn't know there would be a test later!"

At that point one of my cousins reached out and grabbed one of the powdered potatoes and dropped it in the furrow. I dropped the bucket and screamed, "DON'T TOUCH THAT! IT WILL GIVE YOU CANCER!"

My dad sighed again and said, "Where did we go wrong?"

Later one of my other cousins, a little 8-year-old, came to me, pasty white and terrified, and whispered, "I accidentally got some of that powdery stuff on my hand and then I touched my hair. Am I going to die now?"